Personal

life is hard.

I’ve always been the type to march to the beat of my own drum and feeling sure in who I am. Maybe it’s how I was raised and all of the strong women I knew growing up. Maybe it’s the rebel Aquarius spirit in me. Either way, I’ve always felt like I was destined for so much greatness and nothing and no one would stop me. I stay in my lane and take care of the business that concerns me.

However, like almost everyone, I have moments of self-doubt and insecurity. I personally struggle with feelings of being undeserving of the good opportunities that have been placed in front of me, letting the insecurities of others infiltrate how I feel about myself/said opportunities, and add a sprinkle of imposter syndrome* too. These moments are not constant, not do they define me, but still get me down.

I have felt undeserving of the promotions I’ve received at work because of the opinions of others, even though I know I have put in countless hours to projects that very few even know about. In some of my MBA courses, I feel out of my element and that the admissions team made a mistake because I know nothing about certain aspects of business. I even have a bad habit on downplaying my accomplishments. I honestly dismiss those hard-earned moments and play them off as no big deal.

Frankly, it’s hard. It’s hard to be doing well in life and not feeling fully supported by those around you. It’s hard being successful in a space where literally all the odds and people are even against you. It’s hard being told repeatedly by society that your identity is not the one that deserves anything remotely positive. Doubt weighs on you mentally, exhausts you emotionally, and you carry it around in every situation like unnecessary baggage.

Sadly, I don’t have all the answers of how to combat these feelings. I don’t think I ever will because I’m only human and life is hard. But the one thing that has helped on my hardest of days and being very intentional about be positive and boosting back up my confidence. It’s an action I must purposely take in order to begin rebuilding myself. So, what do I like to?

  1. Say why you are THAT bitch out loud. Literally. To yourself in a mirror. To a friend. However, or wherever, exclaim it to the world that you are an amazing soul who deserves all the happiness in the world. Give yourself the greatest pep talk because you are your own cheerleader first.
  2. Block out the negativity. I’ve come to find that I’ve let toxic friendships or even a slight remark get me down or question my path. Block that out immediately. You’d be surprised how many people will throw their own insecurities onto you because they see you doing well. It doesn’t need to be a big confrontation, just distance yourself from anything that brings you down.
  3. Consume media that puts you in a great mood. Watch your favorite television show that makes you laugh. Listen to a self-improvement or uplifting podcast. Follow an insta that empowering quotes. My favorite is @morganharpernichols and @empowerpuffgirl. Do not sit and compare yourself to a few photos and captions of perceived success.
  4. Complete a task or a smaller goal. I personally like to set my mind to completing something because it takes my mind off of whatever was bringing me down and gives me that sense of accomplishment I personally appreciate. Didn’t do so hot on my past econ quiz? Let me go reorganize my closet. Just something I can redirect my energy to.

I know deep in my heart that even on my absolute worst days. The days I can’t convince myself to get out bed. Or when my anxiety forces me to have panic attacks or cancel plans. Or even on the days where I fail at something. Even on all of those horrible and stressful days, I KNOW, without a single doubt in my heart, that I am nowhere near mediocre and I must keep that spirit in me alive. For myself and for those I may inspire.

Remember: you were beautifully crafted by a higher power and your success is already written for you. you are enough and you are deserving. no one can take that away.

How do you combat feelings of being undeserving?

***imposter syndrome: a collection of feelings of inadequacy that persist despite evident success. ‘Imposters’ suffer from chronic self-doubt and a sense of intellectual fraudulence that override any feelings of success or external proof of their competence

 

art above by @oh_sograceful on insta

5 thoughts on “life is hard.”

  1. This is a topic I think many people battle with. Thank you for sharing your tips and life experience.

    It’s hard to keep yourself pumped and confident without either getting a big head or without feeling like trash because someone imposed their views on you. I personally go through this on a weekly, if not daily, basis. For instance last week I was asked if I wanted to step down as choir director because others thought I was incapable. It took me a week to find the faith in myself and in my higher power to understand that I can do this and that I am deserving. No I am not deserving because I’m the most talented or because I know everything. No, I am deserving because I was placed here by a higher power and because others see my potential. When negativity from the outside world finds its way into your head, listen to the one’s who matter most: you, your higher power, and the ones who support you and want what’s best for you. If we choose to focus on the positive, it will always outweigh the negative.

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  2. I have gotten better at writing my accomplishments down. I forget a lot, so if I can go back and reference my journal, my resume, or my portfolio, I immediately am reminded of not only what I did, but the blood sweat and tears it took to execute. My pastor told me this months ago: write down your testimony! There’s something about the power of writing and manifestation 🙂

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  3. As a student who went from putting little effort but still succeeding in high school to feeling mediocre and average in college, I know those feelings you are referring to. I feel like I do not belong here sometimes. I think its extremely important to try not to compare ourselves with others. Sometimes the pressure of being around an environment with so many ambitious and capable people can cloud the fact that you are still very much The Shit.
    Also, reassurance is very important. When you have encouraging people around you to motivate and remind you that you are on the right path, it definitely puts your mind at ease.

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